If you are like me, most days are filled with routine, day-to-day activities, maybe even mundane activities. On occasion, something special happens, but for the most part life is just a normal. But, have you ever had a moment that changes everything? A truly Defining moment. A moment where, after the moment passes, things are never the same?

These truly defining moments don’t happen very often, which is what makes them so impactful.

Two years ago today, on March 12, 2012, I had one of these truly defining moments. When I woke up that Monday, I had no idea that things were going to change… Even after the moment occurred, I didn’t realize JUST how much that moment would impact the rest of my life. What was this moment? It was the moment I learned that the tiny baby growing inside of me had a terminal condition, and would not live long after birth. This little life, which was only 11 weeks 2 days in utero, had already brought so much love and joy to my heart, yet in one earth-shattering moment, I learned my baby was not created for this world. It’s hard to explain the emotions of that day. With a few words from a doctor, it felt like my world was turned upside-down. I felt crushed, my head started to spin, and instantly fog surrounded me. I could hardly process what was occurring, or what would occur.

Thankfully, the fog eventually lifted, and Eric and I were able to make sense of what we had been told. Despite our devastation, we made a plan of how we would approach our pregnancy. We chose to embrace this child for however long we might have. The Lord was so gracious in those moments of brokenness. He protected us as we fumbled through the fog, and held us until we were able to emerge, holding tightly to each other, and tighter still onto His hands for guidance and support.

Standing here now, two years after learning the word “anencephaly,” and being given the knowledge that our child would die, I can now see that in this single defining moment the Lord was placing us on new life path and setting a series of events in motion that have turned out to be an incredible blessing. I must admit that in that moment I was not very thankful to learn that Lord had created my child with a condition which would bring earthly death shortly after being born. Now, although I miss my child and wish he could be here with us, I am so very grateful that the Lord has chosen to use us and our child. I know the Lord did not make a mistake. He had, and still has, a purpose. To quote from a song my sister wrote, “And when God knit you together in your mother’s womb, Not a stitch of His work went awry, But He followed a plan that was higher than ours, So we’ll love you all the way home.” (“Little One” By Lydia Elkins) 

I am thrilled to say that we are still seeing the Lord’s plans continue to unfold. If Amalya had been born healthy and lived, he would be 18 months right now and would probably be tearing through our house and babbling up a storm. Although my momma’s heart hurts that I can’t experience those things, I am blown away at the things he IS doing without even being here. At 18 months, Amalya has an amazing legacy, and his story continues to grow.

Last week, Eric and I were blessed with the opportunity to have Amalya’s story filmed and it is currently being turned into a short documentary!!! This documentary not only discussed our choice to carry to term and love our son, but will also focus on the impact of neonatal organ donation, and how donation can help create a lasting legacy for a life that is brief. We are told that this documentary may be used on several national levels, both in professional settings for care providers in the medical community, and to reach out to mothers who are carrying to term after a terminal diagnosis. We were blown away when we were asked to be part of this project. It has been such an honor and privilege to share our story and to see the Lord, once again, use us and our son in mighty ways. (Please stay tuned for more details about the documentary in the months to come).

Happy 18 months AMALYA NATHANIEL! Thank you, Lord, for continuing YOUR WORK in the legacy of our son!!!

Yes, two years ago today was definitely a defining moment for our lives. As I end this blog post, I would encourage you, as you experience defining moments in your life, even hard ones, be open to the work of the Lord. It may be painful, even heart wrenching. It may mean great sacrifice on your part. It may mean that you need to submit your will to the will of the Lord, BUT, it may also open the door to something AMAZING.

“Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)“
By Hillsong United

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine